The Bachelor – Episode 6 Recap
Ya see, the problem with Peter is… Actually, if you can finish that sentence, ABC would really like to talk to you about a reality series.

Here’s where we’re at: Peter continues to reward nonsense by giving roses to women who clearly don’t like him. But, before we copy-and-paste last week’s recap, let’s be thankful for what we do have. And what we do have is a Bachelor who finally sent home one bully, two liars, three redundant pageant queens, six women he never looked at and one Chase Rice in a pear tree.

We’ve spent weeks bemoaning his continued tolerance of cattiness and hearsay, but last week, he stepped up and nipped two big problems in the bud. And those two problems names’ were Tammy and Victoria P. (Pour one out for Tammy. She gave everything to make America laugh and the rest of the girls cry.) While you’re at it, pour yourself another drink and pour it out again for Natasha. If this show had one last bastion of level-headedness, it was her. (Yes, ironic to say about a girl whose head swiveled on a stick when she stalked. But a loss for America, as its mouthpiece has been ushered out roseless, but in full possession of her dignity.) We’ll see you in Paradise, Tammy and ‘Tash. Your odds are better there anyway!

We’ll pour no drinks for Kelley, the “fun” lawyer who survived eight rose ceremonies despite no on-screen time, smiling or respect for Peter, his decision-making abilities and just about anyone she encountered on the show. The defense must rest for now. But the jury will return at the “Women Tell All.”

Now back to Peter’s other 99 problems. Er, we mean, remaining women. Can we really blame him for everything that’s gone wrong in the house? After all, his options haven’t exactly been… normal.

Even with his renewed commitment to “taking the process seriously,” Peter’s dating prospects have dwindled to a final “hometown” four that look, well… a bit powder keggy. We’ve got Madison – the clear favorite and/or sure-to-be-next-Bachelorette with standards too high for him to meet; Hannah Ann – who passes him heart-covered notes in gym class; Kelsey – who never ceases to pull rabbits out of her emotional talk hat whenever he starts to look at other women; and Victoria F. – who… clearly hates his guts.

There’s a lot to discuss here. But first, Kerry has a bone to pick with the American dating scene. And the guys would like to take a brief detour through (boxed) wine country. (And why Kerry won’t have them over for weekly watch parties. Apparently, the answer isn’t self-evident.)

Get comfy, Hunter and Cush-heads. This one is almost safe for work.

Part 1: “3-Buck Chuck”

Part 2: “Bah”

Everyone’s accuracy averages took a hit after last week’s surprise departure of Sydney and Victoria P. But, as predicted, the final rounds are where Kerry’s rose-tradamus skills really start to shine. Sorry, boys. Maybe do a Game of Thrones bracket next time:

And here are our predictions for next week: